Monday, July 6, 2015

SCREW YOU PERFECTIONISM!


I AM A MOM.  A WIFE. A DAUGHTER.  I SUFFER FROM PERFECTIONISM & PPD.

For those of you who DO NOT know me.... I am a perfectionist.  I am not a perfectionist in every area of my life but in the areas I am it can be debilitating.  I am a Mommy to a wonderful 2 year old little man and married to the man of my dreams <3.  PERFECTIONISM is my WEAKNESS.  It is my STRENGTH.  IT IS ME.... but I will NOT let it BEAT ME DOWN.

Did you know that a perfectionist believes you have to be perfect - OR ELSE?  I am someone who suffers from perfectionism.   I know some of my close friends can say they know that.  They know I am very particular, very picky, things need to be just right, matched, clean, done correctly and organized.  They might call me "Type A", "Particular", "Pain In the ASS" - haha hope not for number 3 but hey that is ME.  My husband would tell you that I tend to nit pick and that things are never done right.  He would also tell you my expectations are too high all the time.  I get mad at him when he tells me these things.  I put up a big old ANGRY WALL.  But deep down inside me I feel pain because I know he is right.  I am who I am.  I cannot change that.  What I can change is how I handle it.

This is what gets people LIKE ME with anxiety.  They think an OR ELSE will come even though they haven't fully thought it through to completion.  OR they did think it through but they just INSERTED their own terrible outcomes making their future look unpleasant.  For example when I come home from a vacation I have to put away all my items in my luggage.  I know it sounds crazy but it is SO true.  My dirty clothes go straight to the washer an dI get a load of wash started.  My husband is exhausted from driving and traveling so he goes to bed.  I get angry and wonder UGH how could he just go to bed!  How can you not want to get these things back into their places?  Put them away!  I proceed to stay up for what seems like hours.  Putting my clothing away, re organizing my stuff and usually around 1am hitting the sack.  Then 5:30am hits and my son is up.  This sets me up for a horrible day.  Sleep deprived and irritable.

I would like you to ask yourself ARE you living a life of FEAR?  Are you living a life of thinking something bad might happen?  Develop a SO WHAT ATTITUDE!!!  You need to learn you cannot control everything.  The journey of having a child is something you cannot control. You cannot control what happens during child birth.  But you can control how your child grows up.   Your health is something you can control.   But your genetics are something you cannot control. Learn what you can and cannot control and be smart about your decisions.  Health and Fitness coaching is what brought me here to be so open with you guys.  It has allowed me to be in control of my health.  Getting my cholesterol under control was a huge contributor to that as well.

And GUESS WHAT?  I am NOT PERFECT.  There... I said it.  I AM NOT.  I will NEVER be PERFECT.  And you know what?  That is okay with me! 

Are you ready to say SCREW YOU PERFECTIONISM? I KNOW I AM! Start with the non essential things in life.  As a perfectionist we think that everything is essential but that is NOT TRUE. 

What will happen if YOU ARE NOT PERFECT RIGHT NOW?  WORSE CASE... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? IF the worse case scenario is you could lose your job... think about how worse it could be then that... no home, no food, homeless.  I know these are not pleasant thoughts... but what you originally thought doesn't seem so bad at all.  You then begin to realize they WILL NOT get that bad.  You have resources to help you NOT end up like that.  For me and my craziness of unpacking after a vacation that worse case is I am disorganized when I get up.  I just might have to handle it tomorrow. How horrible is that?  I am getting better at it but it takes time.

NOT EVERYTHING IS ESSENTIAL. Being the perfect party host is NOT ESSENTIAL (agh my downfall).  Being an operating room surgeon IS ESSENTIAL. By stressing these things and making yourself THINK they are essential is raising your expectations.  You are creating this stress. You are in control here... say SCREW IT!  It doesn't matter! 

Pursuit of perfection will leave you feeling empty.  It causes you to slow down, get stressed and become UNHEALTHY.  If you stress about washing the dishes because they have to be perfect and end up taking hours to do the dishes... this is NOT HEALTHY behavior.  




YOUR BODY IS EFFECTED WHEN YOU DO THINGS FROM A PLACE OF FEAR.
You will become UNHEALTHY.  When you are doing things out of PERFECTION you feel out of control and unhealthy.

When you are proactive and tending to everyone needs you are more stressed and not having the fun you should be having.  Others may have told you this but you may not see it.  You are too caught up in the day to day stress and perfectionism to see it.  

It is not only about what you do but who you are as well... Stay focused on YOU.  BE REAL. Be the BEST YOU CAN BE.  LIFE YOUR LIFE BY YOUR OWN DESIGN.

Realize when you pursue perfection you become more focused on a single path and less aware of possible alternatives.   If you are laser focused on one single path you will be stressed and your mind will get cloudy.  Think about other alternatives! GIVE UP and say SO WHAT and LET GO of PERFECTION.  You will start to feel like a heavy weight was lifted off your shoulders.  You will start to FEEL FREE.

Perfectionism can and does lead to depression.  I know this is one of the biggest factors of what brought on my PPD (postpartum depression). This is YOUR SINGLE REASON to GIVE UP perfectionism.  If you can't obtain your goals because of your SUPER HIGH standards you feel like a failure over and over again.  You will feel down in the dumps more often then not.  I know it sounds like perfectionism is a CHOICE... and for the most part it is.  You are choosing it.  Regardless of you fear it or want it you are seeking out perfectionism.

Perfection is a PATH to DEPRESSION.  If you pursue it because of what others will think of you... you are leading yourself down a dead end trail. The stress it takes to get you there will take it's toll on you.  The next time you think you want to be perfect and don't obtain your goal you will feel defeated. It's a lose lose situation.  The pursuit of perfection out of fear is a no WIN scenario.  The pursuit of self improvement can be highly advantageous for you as long as it doesn't cross the line into FEAR.  Then it becomes destructive.


TALK TO YOURSELF.... DON'T LISTEN TO YOURSELF.  When I talk to myself I can get myself to do just about anything!  But when I listen to myself... I don't want to workout, I am tired, my back hurts, I am tired and the list goes on and on.

If you are ever feeling so stressed you should reach out to a DR.  It is always nice to be able to talk to a 3rd party and get coping tools.  Remember YOUR THINKING and YOUR THOUGHTS CAN be very POWERFUL!  BE in CONTROL.

I hope this helped at least one person!  I hope you can learn to throw it all out!  That it can be a choice. To allow it not to control you!  SCREW YOU PERFECTIONISM!  

xoxoxo
Melanie Eynon







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